Translations of letters by two of the four young activists arrested at Guangdong University of Technology two months ago, and our brief commentary. The translation of a third detainee’s letter is forthcoming.

On November 15, 2017, police stormed into a student reading group at the Guangdong University of Technology (GDUT) and seized six participants, including four current students at the university and two recent graduates from other schools. The former were released the next day, but the latter were placed under detention as suspects for the crime of “gathering crowds to disrupt social order”—a charge we have seen increasingly leveled against multiple feminists, labor activists, striking workers and bloggers over the past five years. Authorities alleged that the reading group was an “anti-party, anti-society organization” that was discussing “sensitive topics.”

Despite Beijing’s massively staffed policing of the internet and cellular networks, a petition managed to circulate calling for the release of 24-year-old Zhang Yunfan—one of the initial two among what would turn out to be at least four young people detained for weeks as suspects in this case. Apparently the petition mentioned only Zhang, a “Left Maoist,”[0] because the authors were unaware of the others when it was penned. Although it was repeatedly blocked only moments after being reposted, over 400 people soon signed the petition, including many prominent intellectuals who risk repercussions because they are based in China.

On January 15, after 30 days in the Panyu Detention Center, two weeks under house arrest and two weeks of recovery, Zhang published the open letter that we have translated below. The letter mentioned three associates who had also been detained and released on bail awaiting trial, and four others who were still in hiding after having been put on the police wanted list.

The next day Sun Tingting, one of the other three detainees, released her own open letter, also translated below. It provides a more detailed account of the arrests, their context and her nightmarish experience in detention from December 8 to January 14.

Like the petition, both of these letters were of course quickly censored, but new WeChat feeds keep popping up and reposting them, to the point that “Sun Tingting” even briefly trended on Sina Weibo until the term was blocked.

Then on the third day, a third letter appeared by yet another detainee: Zheng Yongming. In the interest of making these translations available as quickly as possible, we are publishing the first two now and will add the third when it is finished in a day or two. Stay tuned!

Scroll down for original Chinese versions of the letters.

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“My Confession to the People”

By Zhang Yunfan

Translated by Steamgoth Engine

 

Special thanks to Qian Liqun, Zhang Qianfan, Li Ling, Chen Bo, Cai Xiaoming, Song Lei and other mentors from Peking University, and to Huang Jisu, Kuang Xin’nian, Zhu Dongli, Qin Hui, Yu Jianlin, Xu Youyu, Song Yangbiao, Chen Hongtao, Fan Jinggang and over 400 other mentors and friends from all walks of life, who signed the petition for my release]. Thanks for courageously speaking out for justice so that I can again see the light of day! I wish I could express my gratitude to every one of you in person.

I was released on bail awaiting trial December 29th, 2017. However, after 30 days of criminal detention and another 14 under house arrest, I find that the challenge has just begun.

I cannot tear off this page of my life. My only option is to confront the challenge.

Some people say I am a PKU alumnus, a scholar, an elite who is less egotistical than most.

But the identity I hold dearest is that of a Marxist and a “Left Maoist”—labels to which different people attach different meanings.

I can see that in this world, exploitation and oppression have never disappeared.

Many of my family members have been workers in state-owned enterprises. Thus, even when I was a child, I was aware of how the lifelong hard labor and contributions of old workers were expropriated, when the state-owned enterprises underwent reform and privatization. They were discarded and rendered precarious, abandoned to the will of society. Even larger in number, the vulnerable groups, those in coal mines owned by abusive bosses, on scaffolds and in sweatshops—their life trajectory was to first exhaust their youth, then exhaust their whole lives, and finally to exhaust the lives of their sons and daughters.

 

I swallowed this industrial sewage, these unemployment documents

Youth stooped at machines die before their time

I swallowed the hustle and the destitution

Swallowed pedestrian bridges, life covered in rust

I can’t swallow any more

All that I’ve swallowed is now gushing out of my throat

Unfurling on the land of my ancestors

Into a disgraceful poem.[1]

 

Behind the glory of prosperity, a long shadow, an inch of halo, an inch of blood red. The poet has jumped to his death, but his faith rises slowly from the horizon.

This is why I am determined to be loyal to the working class and why I have faith in Marxism.

Some of the rumors online are true. It is true that when I was studying in Peking University, I was a member of the PKU Marxist Student Group. My comrades at the university and I not only studied theory in our reading group, but also placed ourselves among the downtrodden masses. I gradually found that — after spending countless hours with them singing, dancing, discussing news, screening films and giving English lessons, everywhere I went, I was greeted by workers on campus. In the cafeteria they always gave me a little extra food.

After graduation I came to Guangzhou. My life did not change, except that now I had to work for a living. To put it a bit self-righteously, perhaps, I continued to practice my idealism one step at a time at GDUT. Actually, though, all I did was to attend reading groups and do volunteer work.

During the reading session when we were arrested, we were discussing historical change and social problems from the last few decades, including major historical events, workers’ rights and so on. We discussed how young people should solve these problems. I admit that we also talked about the movement 29 years ago that university students were involved in.^[2]

Some readers must be curious whether my views are indeed “extreme.” Of course, they are not like what you read about in the newspapers or textbooks or watch on TV. By their standards acknowledging the existence of various problems in society alone is already “extremist” enough, and it is undoubtedly even more so to discuss “how to solve” the problems. But every country in the world has its own social problems. Is it truly a crime for one to voice one’s opinions on how to solve them? This is our right! The Constitution states, ambitiously: “Citizens of the People’s Republic of China have freedom of speech, publication, assembly, association, procession and demonstration.” If an expression can be judged as “extremist,” then “freedom” means nothing!

However, I would feel that I was at least being treated with due respect and seriousness if the excuse for my arrest were actually “discussing social issues.” When I was locked up on November 15, the police noted that I worked in education and accused me of “illegal business activities.” Perhaps because of the obvious stupidity of this charge, when I was officially detained, my alleged transgression changed to the crime of “gathering crowds to disrupt social order.” Was I, a 24-year-old young person, powerful enough to disrupt the “work, production, business, teaching, research and medical services” of a university campus covering hundreds of acres? Isn’t it obvious that this is just a trumped-up charge meant to silence me?

I was asked to confess that there was a conspiracy. Was there really a conspiracy? What kind of plotting does a reading group need? Are people involved in plotting when they dance in plazas? Does the simple division of labor necessary for a reading group count as “plotting”?

I was also asked to admit that I had “extremist ideas,” to pledge not to attend reading groups in the future, and to give them names of more people with the same ideas. The cold floor of the detention center, interrogation for eight hours on end, the absolute loneliness under house arrest, the overwhelming spiritual torture—all these are hard to put into words. When I was told that more people would be arrested and my parents would be dragged into this because of my decisions, I have to say, I could not bear the tremendous mental stress. All I wanted to do was to bring it to an end as soon as possible and let my family and friends return to their normal lives, even if that meant I would go to prison. So I compromised. To my surprise, I was finally released on bail. The days under house arrest – the days of absolute loneliness – made me wordless and flat. After a dozen days of recovery, I finally resumed my former self. What I did not expect was that my comprise would turn out to be utterly useless!

Several young people involved in the reading group — Sun Tingting, Zheng Yongming, Ye Jianke — were released on bail along with me. But the young leftists Xu Zhongliang, Huang Ping, Han Peng and my girlfriend Gu Jiayue are still wanted as criminal suspects. Our charges have not been dropped, and they have been forced to become fugitives!

I cannot imagine how the four of them are now. When I close my eyes, it is as if we were back in the guotongqu [parts of China ruled by the Kuomintang during the Civil War]: the roaring police cars, the shrill wail of sirens, the agents with arrest warrants hunting down progressive young men and women who had nowhere to hide.

And I am supposed to remain silent. According to the police, I should be “cautious,” return to a “normal” life, sit peacefully at a desk, henceforth living as a “refined egoist.” But they also want me to bear the burden of an imaginary crime for life, and to stay away from reading groups and the laboring masses I so love.

What’s more, I am also supposed to watch other young leftists be hunted down and arrested!

They are not from prestigious schools. They will not be as fortunate as myself, released because of public opinion. They cannot even get out of Guangzhou. And they do not have a Yan’an to turn to.[3] The only thing awaiting them is an indefinite period in prison!

I am out of jail, but my conscience is in handcuffs. I was not tried in court, but I will always face a moral judgment.

Maybe we have always been insignificant. But from now on any young idealist can be arrested, any reading group can be condemned, any nonprofit activity can be controlled, ideas and idealism are taboo, free speech is not worth a penny, and Marx and Mao are mere jokes!

How heartless must one be to simply bow one’s head at this moment?

I have heard many speak of “the golden mean,” saying “take a step back to gain a broader perspective.”

Of course I can understand that they care about me and offer advice in good faith. But how can I leave my comrades and become a “refined egoist”? Moreover, “freedom of speech” is protected by the Constitution, so there is no need for moderation. Mao Zedong Thought takes a clear position, not “the golden mean.” If I “take a step back,” maybe my own situation would improve, but my comrades would fall into an abyss! And if they fall, the dignity of all young idealists would fall with them. It is better to revolt than to live in shame! I can only tell the truth — I will compromise no more. I would rather be in prison than resign myself to this miserable condition.

Good people, I urge you to see: the person you have defended is here. He will not let you down. He will hold his head high and face the coming storm. He is prepared!

Zhang Yunfan

January 15, 2018

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“I Am Sun Tingting, I Want to Speak Out”

By Sun Tingting

Translated by Wen

 

I am the Sun Tingting mentioned in “Zhang Yunfan: My Confession to the People,” and one of the detainees along with Zhang in the GDUT reading group incident. I was detained by police on December 8th 2017 and released on bail January 4th 2018. I originally did not have the courage to speak out, but I saw Lu Qianqian and others reporting on sexual harassment, and saw the courageous Zhang Yunfan fighting for freedom of expression. As someone whose rights and dignity have also been violated, I cannot stand idly by, and I will not remain silent.

I am Sun Tingting and I want to speak out!

For the first 11 months of 2017, my life and work were as usual, organizing charity events for migrant workers by day, and joining campus workers to dance in public squares by night. I never thought that on the night of December 8^th a group of police would raid my apartment, turning the last month of 2017 into a nightmare.

I graduated from Nanjing University of Chinese Medicine in 2016. At university, I came across progressive youth and participated in activities related to social service and the public interest. Their passion, spirit, sincerity and practicality deeply affected me. In serving the underprivileged, I came to realize that public interest work is the best way to help underprivileged workers and peasants at the bottom of society to live with dignity. Since then, I developed a strong inclination toward a career in public interest work. I first worked at a social work organization in Guangzhou’s Tianhe District, and later I worked at another social work organization at Guangzhou’s university district in Panyu. Before I started working there, the organization was already collaborating with a reading group at GDUT. One of my job responsibilities was to recruit volunteers for public interest events, so I naturally kept in contact and worked with student volunteers from this reading group, and I assisted campus workers in organizing cultural events such as dances on public squares.

Never in a million years would I have expected to face imprisonment as a result.

On the night of November 15th 2017, students had gathered in a classroom for the reading group as usual. Suddenly, security guards stormed into the classroom, supposedly because someone had reported to the university’s Security and Safety Department that the group was discussing sensitive topics. Police then seized four students [at the university] and two recent graduates [from PKU] who were involved in the reading group, taking them all to the police station. The next day, the four students were released, but the two other people (Zhang Yunfan and Ye Jianke) were placed under criminal detention in the Panyu Detention Centre. I soon learned from the director of my social work organization that the group had been labelled an “anti-party and anti-society” organization. For some time thereafter, students involved in the reading group were regularly visited and warned by university [authorities] and the police, and one of the students lost their scholarship. The reading group soon dissolved. I felt this was very unfortunate because they were some of the most compassionate and capable volunteers I had met, unlike many other college student volunteers who do it to accumulate volunteer time rather try to take up some grassroots perspective.

But I never thought this would affect me because I was merely working with them to organize events for workers. I kept working as usual, but without the help of volunteers, it was difficult to sustain the public square dance activities.

It was at that moment that a terrible disaster befell me.

At around 10pm on December 8th 2017, my landlord knocked on my door, and when I opened it, a plainclothes police officer and four police in uniform forced themselves into my apartment and asked me for my ID, and for me to cooperate with them. As a young woman living by myself, I was dumbfounded, and did not know what to do with myself. A brief moment of panic was followed by overwhelming rage. I repeatedly asked them to show me their police ID and search warrant, but they refused. They began to search my room, rifling through all my things, paging through books, notebooks and diaries, heaping them into a pile and making me stand to one side as they took pictures.

Then I was taken to Xiaoguowei police station with my mobile phone and computer. They started to ask me about members of the reading group, and I said I didn’t know. The head of the police station threatened me: “you don’t want to talk? You can go die (and said this repeatedly)! Then we’ll give her a random charge, lock her up first and figure it out later!”

When they said that, I thought I was hearing things. What is “assigning a random charge”? So police can just “assign a random charge” to an innocent citizen without evidence? Can the law be used so casually in their hands? Can the personal freedom of individuals be impinged upon so freely in their eyes? Not only did I not know the situation of the members of the reading group, I at least had the right to remain silent when being questioned. Can I be assigned a random charge to pressure me because I don’t know or remain silent?

At 5pm the next day, the police took me back to my apartment and asked me to sign a search warrant, and they started to take books and notebooks including my private diaries and Kindle reader. I was very angry and I did not understand. Is a search warrant a warrant to raid my home? Can they take away any personal belongings including the most private personal diary to be examined by police with a search warrant? Do police not consider the privacy of citizens and the inconvenience to people when their personal belongings are taken away? To be clear, at this time I was not even a suspect to a crime, let alone a criminal, but merely being summoned for questioning.

Back at the police station, the police pulled out another search warrant dated 12pm December 9th 2017, and made me sign it. This was clearly a trick! If the search was at 5pm, how does it become 12pm? And why was there a second search warrant? Did they go search again at 12pm? When I questioned the police, they did not reply and I refused to sign. Then they produced a summons which was dated for the previous day, December 8th, and asked me to sign. I questioned them why they did not show it to me last night, and they said under special circumstances people can be taken away first and showed the summons later. I was absolutely speechless! What special circumstance did I have? Me, a wisp of a 1.6 meter tall recent college graduate – did they think I was going to make an escape or something? I also refused to sign that document.

Even more absurdity followed.

In the evening, the police told me they were applying for both my administrative and criminal detention, and waiting for their superiors to decide on which form of detention. Because of an issue with the system, they could only apply for one form of detention, and decided “on the spot” to apply for criminal detention. During the entire process, they did not present any evidence to prove that I had violated any law, and they still so casually decided a criminal detention. At that moment, I again felt the casual attitude with which the Panyu police treat the law and the freedom and rights of citizens.

And that’s how I was put thrown into the detention centre “on the spot”, but this was only the beginning of my real nightmare.

The room I was locked up in had 25 detainees, including drug traffickers, thieves and other criminals of all kinds. As a young woman working on public interest in service to migrant workers, to be locked up with these people made me feel endless irony and sadness. The room only had 15 concrete beds, so I had to sleep on cold floor. I could not sleep the whole night on the first night under the bright light. My body could not handle coldness, and I felt intense pain on my insides. I kept waking up in the middle of each night. In our cell block there was a fixed bathroom schedule, and I was always placed last, and each time it was my turn the time was already up.

If there was urgent need to use the bathroom outside bathroom time, I would be punished by being forced to stand and not allowed to sleep. As a result, I alternated between half-hour sleeps and half-hour standing up, and ended up with less than 4 hours of sleep each night. Because of lack of sleep and limited bathroom use, my body weakened and I felt ill inside. I urinated blood on two occasions and experienced two serious instances of constipation which caused so much pain that I could not sit, stand or walk. If not for my release on bail on January 4th, I feel I could have died from the pain in my cell. My request for an individual room or medical attention were refused and ridiculed. When I absolutely insisted, the doctor in the detention centre just gave me some bottle with no medicine in it!

Beside this, there was no privacy to speak of. There were surveillance cameras everywhere, even when you are changing your clothes or using the bathroom. Why should I suffer such indignity!

I was detained for 26 days, and released on bail on January 4th, 2018. However, the charges still remain.

Throughout the entire process I felt bewildered, and even now I did not know what I did or what law I violated. The police demanded that I write a confession, and that I write it according to their instructions. But I refused to distort facts. The police threatened that if I do not write in accordance with their wishes, I will be put under house arrest for 6 months. But how can I confess to a crime I did not commit?

I have far too many questions, and so I want to write down my experience, and hope others can answer my questions.

I am not a criminal, and there is no evidence I am a major suspect to a crime. Why should I be criminally detained?

Can the police detain absolutely anyone, and then search for evidence to prove the guilt of that person, and when no evidence is found, simply release the person, but the police will not face any discipline?

Can police arbitrarily search the residence of any citizen, and take away their personal belongings for an indefinite amount of time?

If during the course of questioning someone doesn’t answer to the police satisfaction, can they just “make up a charge and figure it out later?”

Can the police arbitrarily decide on either administrative or criminal detention “on the spot”?

Should I be bullied in detention, and seen as “uncooperative”, just because I insist on my rights in the face of the police?

Should I not be treated when I fall sick in detention?

Does 4 hour of sleep meet the legal requirement of “ensuring that suspects have sufficient time for sleep”?

Can I only be released on bail after agreeing to a confession in accordance with police instructions?

When the police detained an innocent person for more than 20 days and confiscated my books, computer, mobile phone, Kindle and other belongings, are these evidence of my crime? When can they be returned to me? I no longer have the money to buy those things.

Finally, I want the police to recognize that I was detained for more than 20 days for no reason, which caused me to lose my job, broke my body, put my family in debt for legal fees to the tune of tens of thousands of yuan in borrowed money, and imprinted criminality upon my life. In the future, it may be very difficult for me to find a job. This incident has laid yet another heavy economic burden on my already poor family!

Why is this happening? These questions puzzled me, and has made very cautious and has made me feel very insecure. I do not know if I, or people around me, will suffer these abuses once more in the future. I hope friends who read the experiences I have described above to explain all this to me, and I also hope that people can help the other friends also suffering from this same ordeal. Whether I will be given a heavy sentence or declared innocent, at lease I will have a clear understanding of it all and some satisfaction!

January 16, 2018

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我给人民的自白书

感谢北京大学钱理群、孔庆东、张千帆、李零、陈波、柴晓明、宋磊等多位师长和张耀祖、李民骐、汤敏等海内外北大校友；感谢黄纪苏、旷新年、祝东力、秦晖、于建嵘、徐友渔和宋阳标、陈洪涛、范景刚等400余位社会各界的老师、朋友们！

感谢你们的仗义执言，使我得以重见天日。

请原谅我不能一一拜访，向你们表达我的谢意！

我是2017年12月29日被取保候审的。但结束了30天的刑事拘留和14天的监视居住之后，我发现，对自己的考验才刚刚开始。

我无法把这一页掀过去，只能直面这种考验。

有人说我是北大学生，是学霸，是个不那么利己的精英。

然而，马克思主义者和“毛左”，这个被不同的人赋予了不同含义的标签，才是我最珍视的身份。

我能看到，剥削和压迫从未在世界上消失。

家里有很多国企工人，令我自幼懂得国企改制中老工人的毕生心血如何被蚕食，亲眼见证他们被抛向社会，风雨飘摇；而更广大的弱势群体，无非黑煤窑脚手架血汗工厂，其生命轨迹，无非献了青春献终身，献了终身献子孙。

“我咽下这工业的废水，失业的订单/那些低于机台的青春早早夭亡/我咽下奔波，咽下流离失所/咽下人行天桥，咽下长满水锈的生活/我再也咽不下了/所有我曾经咽下的现在都从喉咙汹涌而出/在祖国的领土上谱成一首/耻辱的诗”

崛起背后，阴影长长，一寸光环，一寸血色。

诗人坠下高楼，信念冉冉升起。

这就是我立志忠于劳动人民，信仰马克思主义的全部原因。

网上某些传言是真实的，北大读书期间，我确实曾是北大马克思主义学会的会员。我和大学里的同路人不仅在读书会上研读那些理论著作，弱势群体所在之处也会有我们的身影。经过数不清的唱歌跳舞讲新闻放电影英语班，渐渐我发现，无论走到哪里，都有校工大哥大姐和我打招呼——在打饭的时候，总会多那么一勺。

毕业后我来到广州，除了参加工作，自力更生之外，生活没有什么不同。说得高尚一些，我在广东工业大学中继续一点一点践行着理想，其实无非是继续参加读书会和志愿活动。

在被拘捕的那次读书会上，我们讨论了几十年来的历史进程和社会问题 —— 涉及重大历史事件、劳动者地位权利等等。我们讨论作为青年人应当如何解决这些问题。我承认，我们还谈到了29年前有大学生参与其中的那场风波。

一定有人会好奇，我的言论是否真的过激？

当然不如报纸电视教科书那么标准化，如果按照上述标准，承认社会有问题就足够“过激”了，讨论“如何解决”无疑更“过激”。

但世界上每一个国家都有它的社会问题，都会有人对问题的解决之道提出各种各样的看法，这难道也是一种罪过？

这是权利！

宪法赫然写道，“中华人民共和国公民有言论、出版、集会、结社、游行、示威的自由”，若言论有“过激”，那“自由”毫无意义！

不过，如果拘捕我的原因是“讨论社会问题”，那至少让我感觉尚且受到了严肃对待。11月15日带走我的时候，警方看我从事教育行业便给我安了一个“非法经营罪”。或许因为过于滑稽，正式刑拘时换成了“聚众扰乱社会秩序罪” —— 我一个24岁的青年竟然威力如此巨大，能够导致一所上千亩的大学“工作、生产、营业和教学、科研、医疗无法进行”？

这不正是欲加之罪，何患无辞。

我被要求承认有密谋活动——真的有什么密谋组织吗？

读书会需要什么密谋组织呢？广场舞需要什么密谋组织呢？读书会上种种必要的简单分工，难道就是什么“密谋组织”吗？

我还被要求承认自己有“极端思想”，保证以后再也不参加读书会，被要求“供出”更多有相同思想的人。

看守所冰冷的地板，八小时连续不断的审讯，监视居住的绝对孤独，太多太多精神折磨，难以言说。当被告知更多的人会因我被抓捕，父母会被连累的时候，我承认，我没能顶住这种巨大的精神压力，只想快点了结，哪怕自己进监狱，只要能让其他青年和家人得到安宁。所以，我妥协了。

没有料到随后会被取保候审。监视居住的绝对孤独岁月让我话都说不清楚，思维也十分迟缓。

经过十几天恢复，我终于回过神来 —— 更没有料到：我的妥协竟如此苍白无用！

虽然这次因读书会受到牵连的孙婷婷、郑永明、叶建科几位青年也与我一同取保候审，但左翼青年徐忠良、黄理平、韩鹏和我的女友顾佳悦却被网上追逃！我们的罪名并没被取消，依然是待罪之身 —— 尤其是徐忠良四人，他们现在就是被网上追逃的“逃犯”！

我不敢想象，他们四人现在处于什么境地。一闭上眼，就仿佛看到了当年在国统区，那呼啸的警车、刺耳的警笛和手持通缉令的密探追捕那些东躲西藏、找不到一处存身之地的进步青年们！

而我，也可以沉默不语——按警方指示，“谨言慎行”，回归“正常”的生活，放上一张平静的书桌，躲进小楼成一统，从此去做一个“精致的利己主义者”。但却要一辈子背负不属于自己的罪名，一辈子远离读书会和我热爱的劳动人民。

更何况，我还要眼睁睁地看着其他左翼青年被四处追逃拘捕！

并非出身名校的他们不会像我这么幸运，能在大家的呼吁下走出来 —— 他们连广州都出不去，更没有当年的延安可以投奔，只能去经历何其漫长的监禁岁月!

我走出了监狱，可是套上了良心的枷锁；逃脱了法庭，但永远遭受道义的审判。

甚至我们都是微不足道的。但自此之后，任何理想青年都可以被抓捕，任何读书会都可以被定罪，任何志愿活动都可以被控制，理想精神不可触碰，言论自由极端廉价，马克思毛泽东都是笑话！

要多么无情无义，才会在此刻低头？！

我听到许多“适可而止”“中庸之道”“退一步海阔天空”。

我当然能理解这是对我善意的关怀。但我怎能躲开我的同志，去做那个“精致的利己主义者”？

更不必说，“言论自由”受宪法保护，无所谓适可而止；毛泽东思想旗帜鲜明，从不是“中庸之道”；我“退一步”让自己“海阔天空”，但我的同志却要跌下万丈深渊！

—— 同时跌下万丈深渊的，还有所有青年理想主义者的全部尊严。

与其忍辱偷生，不如迎头面对！我只能说出真相，再不妥协；即便再次经历牢狱之灾，也远胜眼前这苟且的煎熬。

一切善良的人们啊，恳请你看到 —— 你为之奔走的人在这里，他不会辜负你的呐喊。 

他将昂首挺胸，面对暴风降至。 

他已做好准备！

 

张云帆

2018年1月15日

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我是孙婷婷，我要站出来

我是《张云帆：我给人民的自白书》中的孙婷婷，与张云帆同为广工大读书会事件中被拘捕的当事人，2017年12月8号被警方控制，2018年1月4号被取保候审。我原本没有太大的勇气站出来发声，但是我看到了愤起举报性侵者的罗茜茜，看到了全国各地前仆后继反性骚扰的女同胞，看到了不畏强权争取言论自由的张云帆。作为同样被侵犯人身权利和人格尊严的当事人，我不可能置身事外，我不愿意继续沉默。

我是孙婷婷，我要站出来！

2017年的前十一个月，生活与工作都像往常一样，宁静而开怀，白天筹划着一场场为农民工举办的公益活动，晚上去跟广州大学城学校的后勤工友们一起开心地跳着广场舞。只是没有想到，12月8号晚上，一群警察闯进我的住所，让2017年的最后一个月变成了一场噩梦。

我，孙婷婷，南京中医药大学2016届毕业生。我在大学期间接触过做公益的进步青年，参加过一些社会实践活动和公益活动。公益青年们那种激情昂扬、朝气蓬勃的精神面貌和谦虚真诚、朴素实干的作风深深感染了我，在为底层的人们做公益服务中，我逐渐认识到，目前公益是帮助社会最底层的工农群众有尊严地生活的最好方式。从此我对公益事业产生了强烈的向往，于是我毕业后先是在广州天河区一家社工机构里工作，之后到到广州番禺大学城一家社工机构里工作。在我来这家机构之前，机构已经与广东工业大学的一个读书会保持合作关系。我来到大学城的这份工作的职责之一就是为公益活动招募志愿者，因此自然而然地也就与广工的那个读书会的学生志愿者保持着联络与合作，协助广工的后勤工友们开展文艺晚会和广场舞活动。

令我万万没想到的是，我却因此身陷囹圄。

2017年11月15号晚上，广工的同学在教室里照常举办读书会，保安突然闯进教室驱散了读书会，据说因涉及敏感话题被举报至保卫处，随后警察将负责读书会的四名本校学生和已经刚毕业的两名青年带到派出所。第二天，广工的四名学生被放了出来，而另外两人（张云帆与叶建科）随后被刑事拘留，关进了番禺看守所。很快我就从我们机构主任那边得知警方已经将这个读书会定为了“反党反社会”的组织。接下来的一段时间，该读书会的学生频繁被校方和警方约谈警告，其中一名同学还因此失去了助学金，很快这个读书会就土崩瓦解了，他们再也不和阿姨们一起跳舞了。我当时感到特别可惜，因为他们是我见过的最富有爱心和行动力的志愿者，不像很多学校的那些志愿者那样，做活动只是为了拿志愿时长而无半点底层立场。

但是我没有想过这件事会波及我，因为我不过是跟他们一起合办后勤工友活动，仅此而已。事情发生后，我依然照旧工作着，没有了志愿者的帮忙，后勤工友的广场舞活动维持得很是吃力。
这时，一场突如其来的灾难毫无征兆地降临在我身上。

2017年12月8号晚10点左右，房东突然敲门说有事找我，我开门后，一个正常穿着的男子（有可能是便衣警察）带着四名穿制服的警察一拥而入，让我出示身份证接受配合。我一个女孩子单独租住的房间突然闯进几个人高马大的警察让我瞬间懵了，茫然不知所措，短暂惊恐之后就是强烈的愤怒，我一再要求他们出示警官证和搜查证，他们不为所动，开始对我的房间翻箱倒柜，翻出了所有的书籍与笔记本、日记本等摆成一堆，然后让我站旁边拍了照片。

随后将我以及我的手机、电脑等物品带到小谷围派出所，他们开始询问我关于广工读书会成员的事，我说我不了解。这时候派出所所长过来，态度非常强硬，威胁道：“你不说是吧？你死吧！（多次说这三个字）那先随便安排个罪名，关进去再说！”

听了这话，我简直不敢相信自己的耳朵。什么叫做“随便安排个罪名”？难道警察可以在没有任何证据的情况下随便给无辜的公民“安排个罪名”吗？法律在他们手里可以如此随便吗？公民的人身自由权在他们眼里是可以随便践踏吗？且不说我完全不知道广工读书会人员的情况，就说我当时不过是一个被询问情况的人，有权利保持沉默。难道因为不知道或者保持沉默，就可以“随便”安排一个罪名来逼供吗？

第二天下午5点钟的时候，警察又将我带到我的住所，然后给我一张搜查证让我签字。我签字后他们开始搬走那些书籍和本子，包括我完全私密的日记本，以及带走kindle等物品。我当时非常气愤和不解，搜查证就是抄家证吗？有了搜查证就可以带走任何私人物品包括最私密的个人日记本，然后让警察回去慢慢仔细研究？警察不用考虑公民的隐私，不用考虑将个人物品带走之后给当事人带来的种种不便？要知道，此时此刻我还不是犯罪嫌疑人，更不是罪犯，不过是被传讯而已啊！

回到派出所后，警察又拿来一张搜查证，上面写的日期时间是2017年12月9日12:00，他们让我在上面签字。这完全是赤裸裸地欺骗！明明是下午17点多去搜查的，怎么变成12点了？怎么又多出一张搜查证了？难道在中午12点的时候他们已经又去过一次了？我质问警察时，对方未做任何回答，我便拒绝签字。随后他们又出示一张日期是昨天晚上12月8号的传唤证要我签字，我质疑他们为什么昨天晚上不出示，他们说在特殊情况下可以先带走再补手续。这简直让人很无语啊！我是有什么特殊情况？我一个不到一米六的刚从学校毕业的瘦弱女生是能逃还是要怎样啊？当时也拒绝签字了。

更可笑的还在后头。

晚上小谷围派出所的警察跟我说，要给我同时提交一个行政拘留和刑事拘留申请，等待上级决定到底执行何种拘留。结果由于什么系统问题，只能提交一个拘留，然后就“干脆”给我办了一个刑事拘留。在这整个过程中，他们始终都没有出示任何证据证明我犯了什么罪，就以如此随便的方式给我执行了刑事拘留。在这一刻，我又一次感觉到了番禺警方对待法律和公民人身自由权利是如此的随意。

我就这样被他们“干脆”弄进了看守所，这才是我真正的噩梦的来临。

我所在的牢间里有25个犯人，有贩毒的、偷盗的，什么犯罪的人都有，我一个为外来工人做公益服务的女孩子跟他们关在一起——让我感到无尽的讽刺与悲哀。但是房间里只有15个水泥铺位，结果我只能睡在冰冷的地板上。进看守所的第一天晚上，我在晃眼的白炽灯光照射下，彻夜未眠。我身体向来虚寒很严重，一受凉我的肠胃和肾脏就会十分难受，接下来的每天晚上都不知道要醒几次。我们牢间里的上厕所时间都是固定的，我总是被排在最后，轮到我时上厕所时间已经结束了。

如果紧急地、在非规定时间上厕所就要被罚站岗不准睡觉。因此我在牢间里是一个半小时睡觉一个半小时站岗的交替，我每天晚上睡不足四个小时。由于睡眠严重不足以及经常不能上厕所的原因，我身体变得越来越糟糕，开始出现肾脏严重不适、两次严重尿血与严重的便秘，在后期便秘导致的疼痛已经到了让我无法坐立、无法行走的地步。如果不是1月4号保释出来，我想我可能会疼死在里面。我要求对我单独看管或者去看病时，遭到拒绝和嘲讽；强烈要求之下，里面医生给我的药品居然是一个空瓶！

除此之外，在里面完全没有任何隐私可言，牢间里到处都是摄像头，换衣服和上厕所都在摄像头的监控之下，真的很难想象自己换衣服都要被监控。我为什么要经受这样的耻辱啊！

我在里面关了26天，于2018年1月4号被保释出来了。尽管如此，我仍然是一个待罪之身。
在整个过程中我始终都感到莫名其妙，到现在我都不知道我究竟干了什么、犯了什么罪。警察要求我写悔过书，而且一定要按照他们的要求来写，我拒绝歪曲事实，警察就威胁说，如果不按他们的要求写，就把我指定住所监视居住六个月，可我怎能承认根本莫须有的罪名呢？

我有太多太多的困惑，因此把我的经历写出来，希望有人来解答我的困惑。

我不是现行犯，也没有任何证据证明我是重大嫌疑分子，为什么能够把我刑事拘留？

警察是不是可以把任何一个人先拘留起来，再来找证据来证明他有罪，找不到证据就把人放了但警察不受任何处分？

警察是不是可以对任何一个公民住所进行任意搜查并带走任何私人物品，不限期归还？

被问讯的人如果回答得不如警察之意，警察是不是就可以“随便安个罪名先关进去再说”？

对于是执行行政拘留还是刑事拘留，是不是可以由警察“干脆”来决定？

是不是因为在警察面前强调了自己的权利，就应该被认为“不配合”而得到看守所里显而易见的欺凌？

在看守所里生病了，是不是可以不用医治的？

四个小时，是不是就是法律上规定的“保证犯罪嫌疑人充足的睡眠时间”？

是不是必须写上符合警察之意的口供，才能够取保候审？

警察将一个无辜的人在看守所里关了二十几天，警察扣留我的书籍、电脑、手机、kindle等物品，是罪证还是赃物？什么时候能够还给我呢？我已经没有钱去买那些东西了。

最后，我希望警察知道，他们将我无缘无故关了二十几天，已经让我丢了工作，身体崩溃，家中因为律师费借了几万块，我一辈子打上了罪犯的烙印。今后，我或许很难找到工作。这次无辜受难，使我原本贫困的家庭又背上了沉重的经济负担！

这是为什么？这些困惑一直困扰着我，让我如履薄冰，毫无安全感，我不知道未来我以及我周围的人是否还会再次遭受如此虐待。我希望看到我上述经历的朋友们，如果你们能够解答我的困惑，烦请告诉我，也希望大家能帮帮其他几名因此事受难的朋友们！无论将来是给我判刑还是宣布我无罪，至少能够让我明明白白的，来个痛快！

2018年1月16日

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Translators’ notes

[0]“Left Maoist” (毛左) is a political category that has risen to prominence since about 2012 in order to distinguish from those Maoists (known as “Right Maoists” by some of their leftist critics but simply as “Maoists”[毛派] by themselves) with more nationalist and/or reformist orientations. (These categories will be discussed in the second issue of the our journal, forthcoming later in 2018.)

[1] From the poem “I Swallowed a Moon Made of Iron” by Xu Lizhi.

^[2] I.e. the mass movement of 1989 that ended with the June 4^th Incident on Tian’anmen Square.

[3] Having likened the fugitives to Communist Party members hiding underground during the Civil War, Zhang now notes the difference that at least the latter had a base in Yan’an to which they could flee, whereas today’s communists have no such sanctuary – in China or elsewhere.